I feel like I've been robbed. My life has been taken from me.

Today I had to sit in my sisters car in tears cause I couldn't join in with a family day out and it's making me so angry.

Something as simple as a walk around a country park would have been a literal walk in the park for me just 2 years ago but now my body just won't let me. If my abdomen doesn't sabotage me, my spine will lock up and the muscles and nerves will physically stop me. Why I have no clue. Being on wait lists means I've no idea how close to a diagnosis I am and in the mean time my body is slowly getting worse.

How have I ended up here? How can a stomach ache and a bleeding butt take me all the way to my body rebelling?

I wasn't prepared. I'm not ready to say goodbye to that part of my life. I don't know how to live like this. It's not "my" life, this is something else and I don't want it.

But what if I can't go back? I don't know if I can live this life.